Day 12: I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore, Toto

Oh the humanity. Save me. Someone. ANYONE.

Please...

As I write this entry I'm sitting in a minivan hurtling at a blinding pace towards western washington, trapped in this confined space with what I like to refer to as "a screaming, bawling, sniveling guttersnipe of the bottommost caliber" (much to the chagrin of my mother). Yes that's right. Once again, Kimberly is throwing a temper tantrum over something so mind-bogglingly trivial that my very intelligence gapes at the naivety of it all. Dear heavens woman, ACCEPT THAT YOU CANNOT HAVE AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH WITHOUT FIRST EATING LUNCH. IT'S LIKE WANTING MILK WITHOUT MILKING THE COW. IT ONLY WORKS WHEN YOU HAVE MONEY.

...surprisingly apt metaphor.

But in all seriousness, there were times when I couldn't discern any recognizable tongue from amongst her weepings and wailings. The few words I *did* snatch out were along the lines of "mommy", "ice cream", "NO", "I TOLD YOU" and "intercontinental ballistic missile". I think I may have even heard a "thermonuclear warfare" or two. I kid you not.

*sigh*

Today we woke up a good sight earlier than normal, with the intention of getting out the door around 8:00 am. I am happy to announce we were only 22 minutes late. Yessssssssss...

I believe that to be somewhat of a record. We are notorious for our late departure times. There's even hope of getting home before dinner. (Good joke, I know.)

We said our goodbyes and hit the road. My plan was to spend pretty much the entire journey sleeping and listening to music. Interestingly enough, for the first part of the journey I did both, waking up at precise one-hour intervals. Weirdest thing ever. I wish our van was more sleep friendly. I shall be in need of chiropractic assistance upon our arrival home. Not that I haven't needed it since before this trip.

May I take this moment to say, thank heavens for spell-check. I'm so tired right now, I've made spelling errors which would cause even a kindergarten math teacher to grimace.

**Hyperbole Disclaimer: If ever at any point you, or any other reader, take any of my outlandish claims and/or gross exaggerations to heart, and take action on them, I am not responsible for any broken bones, crushed dreams, or lifetime commitments that may stem from aforementioned action. This blog is work of relative fiction, and any similarities to actual people, living or dead, are entirely coincidental. Except for when they're not.**

Arrived home safely. It's good to be back.

Until next time.

-Ben